Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
