the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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