His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
