What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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