I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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