I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this will be a night to untag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
