I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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