so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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