I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
