i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
