I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
