Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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