btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
