in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
