i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
