I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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