yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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