After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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