smell my finger.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
