I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
