he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
