Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
