I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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