peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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