**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
