I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
