i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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