1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
