I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
God, I missed his penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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