So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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