never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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