I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
