In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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