is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
