Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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