My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
