I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch