tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.