Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4640) Bad night (671)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.

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  (423): By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves. http://tfl.nu/ijd4
  Replies (7) Good night (811) Bad night (2212)
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  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (9094) Bad night (1141)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?

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  (813): Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks? http://tfl.nu/4hfi
  Replies (24) Good night (6520) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (1066) Bad night (8553)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (18) Good night (3812) Bad night (2160)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

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  (713): I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you http://tfl.nu/33e4
  Replies (7) Good night (591) Bad night (1082)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (2175) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.

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  (248): Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball. http://tfl.nu/g33p
  Replies (4) Good night (836) Bad night (1545)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever

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  (306): I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever http://tfl.nu/lhkq
  Replies (22) Good night (1457) Bad night (717)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had

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  (304): 'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had http://tfl.nu/8hwk
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (1708)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again

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  (415): so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again http://tfl.nu/s0gt
  Replies (7) Good night (768) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.

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  (386): Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it. http://tfl.nu/ijpo
  Replies (6) Good night (471) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room

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  (303): I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room http://tfl.nu/jyfe
  Replies (2) Good night (363) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering

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  (618): Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering http://tfl.nu/gyh2
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (312)

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