good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
