Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.