quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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