I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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