What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
