yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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