Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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