I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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