we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
