Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
