I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
