I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
