Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
