i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
