I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
