garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
