I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
