Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
