Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
