Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
