you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
