I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I just put wine in my tea
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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