omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this just has baby written all over it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
