1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
