if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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