Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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