That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
