i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
