Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
