literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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