You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
