her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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