I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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