literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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