Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
