His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
