Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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