'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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