I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
