So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
