physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
