i think i have herpe
just one?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
