Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
