toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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