I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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